He crashed into my life like a wonderful tornado, a waterfall of pain.

Spinning into love, like the wind that comes along with the tornado. I didn’t doubt like I have for the many some that have caused a chaotic, fatal destruction of my ever so open, broken heart. You put the other times I’ve been in the eye of the storm to shame. All that blame I had in my heart, is replaced with the butterflies in my stomach that I so effortlessly attained. Realization of the days I spent waiting for my love to be matched in the magnificent way I hopelessly dedicate my soul to the wrong soul mate, just to run away as fast as the brightest light burns. With fear that I will once again be rejected with no notice. Sadly, I ran away from you, my love, Bunny. The one that changed my view on a funny little thing I call love. The wind of the tornado you brought into my life, I quickly regret dropping and shattering your heart. I remember the night I met you so clearly. With fear, I called a friend and she invited the beautiful storm over to save my aching, trying to make it; heartbreaking journey of one sided love. Protected, Compassionately he held my hair when I drank the poison to numb the pain. Blurry eyed, looking into the bag I self destructed into. With the sober sun, I arose. We talked, locked eyes, cried on the inside, understood each others pain. I read you and you pretended to not show your surprise that I got into the marvelous mind of yours entangled with mine. Please, stop me from saying goodbye. Slowly, and quickly all at the same time I began to adore all that was you. And we cried. Old bladed tears fell from your eyes and tears of pain landed on the ground at the park, next to the waterfront  from the collection of the suffering I’ve seen. Adding to my own personal waterfall merging into a sea of loud silence. White noise, and a mask of “I’m fine.”. Some water bottles filled with your bottled up “I have to be strong enough.”, and “Let’s pretend nothing bad happened.”. I take the bottles from your perfect, gripping hands. And for the first time… we create a new wonder of the world; like the music we hear, or the birth of a daughter and a father holding her for the first time. A shared river of openness, and fear of opening up, just to be immediately rejected. A risk for two twisting tornados, confused about where we are going but we know we are crashing into each other in the best way. I swear I’ll never reject you, Bunny. I will never let you hold all those bottles of water, when I have so much room in my waterfall. Our river will drain into the sea of loud silence. The same water in my waterfall. We are the same, and I will never put you to shame the way others have shown you to be truth. The real truth is if skipping stones on the now flowing water will show us how to communicate. If you let me love you the way I can’t hold back any longer, and I let go of my pride and let myself be as vulnerable as I am when she yells at me, we can be all we know we are. I’m sorry I pushed you away, but threw sobriety my mind has cleared to all that is good to me, and you are at the top of my list. You are a priority. You are special, despite what he does on a daily basis to break you down. One day all of that fear, pain, guilt, regret, depression, anxiety, confusion, and that part of you that was okay with being alone forever will dissolve and be replaced with an amazing love of life. If you are the only one that ever reads this, I will be satisfied as long as you are smiling and shaking your head every time I called you Bunny. As long as when you read it you hear my voice reading it to you, like that night in the Honda. You told me you loved watching me write and it was so much more to me then any other compliment I have heard in my 19 years. I daydreamed of a moment like that. Just like I dreamed of the man that would come into my life and open the car door for me everyday until I was 85 and let me cook him shrimp as many times as we would fight. That’s a lot of shrimp. Also, a lot of ketchup smiley faces for the children inside. Tornado of pain and love, I adore you. The way your friends see you adoring me. The kiss we stole from each other and I can’t help but wish it was my first kiss. I can’t help but wish you are my last kiss. I don’t want to be nothing again, so please keep that promise we made. I’m learning to love myself the way you love me and I desire nothing more to hear the love you could have for yourself shine as bright as your eyes shined the first time you saw the true me, after a night of sobering and connecting. I don’t know about you, but I would rather feel love. The pain is to close to my heart and I am saying no more. No more suffering alone, no more getting taken advantage of, no more nights sleeping alone. I know right now we are not together, but I’m there. I’m forever the little spoon, and I’m coming soon. To my Bunny. Love, Taylor Rose- newly trying out this vulnerability I have found to be empowering and overwhelmingly lovely. Sweet dreams.

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One thought on “He crashed into my life like a wonderful tornado, a waterfall of pain.

  1. I had loved one of those wonderful tornadoes.

    “Realization of the days I spent waiting for my love to be matched in the magnificent way I hopelessly dedicate my soul to the wrong soul mate, just to run away as fast as the brightest light burns.”

    I understand these feelings…

    and yes, overwhelmingly lovely to get the vulnerability out.

    you might like, maybe, my poetry blog…

    http://lessonsinloveandmadness.wordpress.com/

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